Awesome Star Wars Parody!

Shortest Vacation Ever!!!

I left Toronto Pearson on December 30th for Mombasa via Amsterdam. I arrived at Schipol on the 31st, early in the morning.

So here I am at Schipol Airport in Amsterdam awaiting my return flight to Toronto. Yes, you read correctly, back to Toronto.

If you haven't heard, Kenya recently had presidential elections - the opposition candidate Raila Odinga was expected to win; early in the polls he had what appeared to be an insurmountable lead, however after delays in the count, the incumbent, Mwai Kibaki ended up winning the elections.

After accusations of voter fraud and election rigging, violence and riots have erupted all over Kenya. From what I hear, Kibaki has already sworn himself in as president elect, while Odinga is also swearing himself in as the "People's President". I don't get it either.

When I landed at Schipol, I called home to see how everything was - I was told NOT to come due to the violence which, by this time, had hit Mombasa, my final destination. I tried to see if I could fly directly back to Toronto, however due to my ticket limitations, I was forced to buy a brand new ticket which would cost me $850.00 Canadian.

While I was on the phone arranging payment, a gentleman, RGC Bischoff at the KLM counter tracked me down to the phone I was using and said that from the time it took me to get from the counter to the phone, a travel advisory has been issued which qualified me to get use the return portion of my original ticket.

Mr Bischoff will probably never come across this tiny little strand of the web, but I would like to offer him my sincerest thanks for going out of his way to get back to Toronto and back to safety. I will writing KLM a letter commending Mr Bischoff for going above and beyond to accommodate me.

Right now it is 10:50 am in Amsterdam, my flight to Toronto leaves at 1:30 PM Amsterdam time and arrives at Pearson International Airport at 3:30 PM EST.

Now I am going to the bar to order a stiff one!

Quoting... George Benard Shaw

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.
- George Bernard Shaw

Kwaheri

Happy Holidays to everyone - and a special Merry Christmas to Darrell ;) I won't be posting a lot to TFTH for the next month or so. I am going to Kenya! I leave on Dec 30th and plan to return three weeks later.

If I get access to some decent Internet while I'm there, I may post anything I find blog-worthy, although I suspect most of my entries will be on my personal blog. So until my next posting - have a great new year's everyone. And as they say in Kiswahili - Kwaheri!

Keith Olbermann on Bill Moyers

Bill Moyers is an excellent interviewer, and with an interviewee like Olbermann, you know this is a must watch. Take twenty minutes out of your day to see the interview from PBS' Bill Moyers' Journal. AIR DATE: December 15, 2007

PART I


PART II


PART III

Quoting... Daniel Webster

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.
- Daniel Webster

Bill Maher on Religion - New Rules RTwMB

More blasphemy - Enjoy :)

George Carlin - Religion is Bullshit

Which leads to another video - Is this the wrong time of the year for these videos?

Bill Maher on Religion

This is what happens on YouTube, one video leads to another.

Why do Atheists care about Religion?

Dude makes some valid points...

Nickelback Rockstar Spoof - Popstar

H/T: Darrell F.

This is just BRILLIANT!

Whopper Freakout!

This is just a smart promotion/campaign. Well done!

What The Fuck Man???

U.S. Publisher Takes American Price Off Magazines To Charge Canadians More

Is it dirty pool or simply smart business? Whatever you decide, it's not a story you're likely to read in a magazine. After months of being hammered over Canadians paying higher prices for U.S. goods despite the higher value of the loonie, one American firm has apparently found a way around it - they've simply removed any trace of the U.S. price for their items sold in Canada.

SOURCE: CityNews
H/T: Darrell F.

All protocol and decorum is being abandoned for this entry. WHAT THE FUCK MAN??? I'm truly sick of the Canadian consumer getting screwed at every turn. For years, when I used to buy magazines, I would look upon the USD price with Envy, and for a split second wished that I too lived the in the land of the green-back, but now that the shoe's on the other foot...

The company maintains it was simply trying to end the confusion for Canucks about the price difference and why it was there in the first place.

What a load of ox shit! There was little confusion for the dual priced magazine cover when the USD / CAD exchange rate favoured the Americans. We in Canada knew that the Loonie was not doing so well against the US Dollar, and so we forked out the extra cash. Seems logical, yes? If there is any confusion, it's why when the exchange rate now favours Canadians, do the the American publishers think that we'll keep paying the extra money!

If I still read any American magazines, this alone would be enough for me stop purchasing their rags all together. If Canadians still buy American magazines at "Canadian" prices despite the current exchange, then they deserve to take it up the tail pipe.

Usilewe (Ndi, Ndi, Ndi) by Yunasi

Kenyan group Yunasi have been named the winners of BBC World Service's Next Big Thing 2007 competition at the Maida Vale studios in London. The band, comprising seven men from East Africa and a French woman, triumphed with their song Ndi Ndi Ndi, about the dangers of excess drinking. They were praised by the all-star judging panel for their "wide open, exuberant vocals" and for being "different to 99% of pop music".

SOURCE: "Mzee Shamba" via RafikiTalk

Outright ban of Scientology in Germany

German officials want Church of Scientology banned in the country

BERLIN — Top German officials announced Friday that they will seek to outlaw the U.S.-based Church of Scientology.

The announcement came after a two-day conference of interior ministers of Germany's 16 states well as federal Interior Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble.

Berlin Interior Minister Erhart Koerting, who presided over the two-day conference, told reporters that Scientology is an organization that is not compatible with the German constitution.

The German government considers Scientology not a religion but a commercial enterprise that takes advantage of vulnerable people, he added.

The ministers said the planned to ask Germany's domestic intelligence agency to begin preparing the necessary information to ban Scientology.

The agency has had Scientology under observation for a decade on allegations that it “threatens the peaceful democratic order” of the country.

SOURCE: The Globe & Mail (Complete Article)

This is a tough one for me. Although I don't agree with the principles of Scientology / Dianetics, I don't see how any modern nation's constitution can disallow its citizens to practice anything of this nature.

Granted, I can see how anyone would draw issue with a "religious" institution that charges its "congregation" for salvation. And yes I can see how Scientology can be regarded as a money making endeavour,but couldn't the same be said about self-help "gurus" such as Tony Robbins who charge for their endless library of books, cassettes, CDs & DVDs? True, he doesn't tout himself as a religion, and I'm sure he doesn't receive the same tax breaks and benefits that most religious organisations do, but I'm sure you can still buy his media in Germany.

I can see a government refusing to recognise Scientology as a religion and disallowing many of the privileges that religious organisations enjoy. But to ban it outright seems more than just a little dictatorial.

The First MacDonalds Commercial EVER

This is creepy!

Polling Is Bullshit - Penn & Teller

Quoting... Soren Kierkegaard

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Where have all the good men gone?

I just finished watching "Licence to Wed" and my one word review is, "YUCK". It was sappy, more than predictable and barely funny at best. That's not the point of this entry, but it did get me thinking.

Is it so politically incorrect to have a strong man in a any kind of "couple" type scenario that they have been written off into extinction? Be it on the small screen or the large, men just seem to be portrayed as impotent pansys. They're indecisive, weak-willed putzes that are completely clueless until an ethereal woman graces him with her presence.

When he screws up, and he will screw up, she gets all indignant until he carries out the great romantic gesture that will win her back over. "Fine." One might say, "Fair enough." He screwed up, he should pay for it.

Conversely if she ever screws up or does something less than honourable, that is usually a mechanism for her to find out that he is screwing up, even unknowingly, (the bastard should have known better) and she gets all indignant until the great romantic gesture wins her back over.

It's a pathetic commentary on either the writers or the audiences or both that a needlessly weak character is required to highlight the strengths of the more stalwart one. Alana (my writing sounding board) rightfully points out, "movies would be a lot more engaging with two leads who could hold their own, not one pansy and one hero-type." Two strong leads or even two weak leads in the same film or television show should not need to be mutually exclusive.

The exceedingly sharp contrast in character types either illustrates how writers cannot write in nuance or that the audiences are just too stupid to understand nuance.

Cellphone + Public Washroom = OMG!

I came across this today. It is one of the funniest things I have ever read! I post here in it's entirety. I don't know who wrote this, I don't know where it came from, but it's here now for your enjoyment.

All in all, it hadn’t been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I’d last taken a dump. I’d tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, “Everything Must Go!”. This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:

1. Occupied.
2. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it’s next to the occupied one.
3. Poo on seat.
4. Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
5. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trousers and sat down. I’m normally a fairly Shameful Sh1tter. I wasn’t happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Sh1tter was blathering to Mrs. Sh1tter about the sh1tty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude — a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon’s continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial “herald” fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

“Oh my God”, I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, “No, baby, that wasn’t me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??”

Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I’d see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.

Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: “Gotta go… horrible… throw up… in my mouth… not… make it… tell the kids… love them… oh God…” followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one’s phone and wipe one’s bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who’d be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it’ll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public — and I doubt he’ll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

If anyone knows the original author, please let me know, I would be happy to give them their due credit. Goodness knows that deserve it.

KO Special Comment on NIE and Iran

Olbermann & Maddow on DHS Failures

Individual Rights v Societal Rights

Students Launch Human Rights Complaints Over School Food Allergies

There are all kinds of deadly weapons that have appeared in schools in the modern era. We've heard of recent knife attacks and gun threats. And then there's the peanut butter sandwich. The lunch bag staple many used to take for granted has become a new threat to some kids who suffer from severe food allergies.

And on Friday, six students from York Region afflicted with the problem announced their intention to file a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Commission to force their school to re-introduce mandatory bag checks to ensure they're not exposed to any of the substances that can kill them.

The kids, who attend St. Stephen Catholic Elementary School in Woodbridge, insist their rights have been violated after repeated appeals to the principal and the board proved fruitless. The school used to have a policy that had teachers inspecting all lunch bags to ensure they were peanut free. But it became an onerous and expensive process and was eventually abandoned. Now the kids and their parents want it back, arguing it may not be pleasant or easy - but it's better than the alternative.

SOURCE: CityNews (Complete Article)

Hmm, I don't know where I stand on this issue. Although I am all for the safety of kids, I think this might be going too far. I mean if every allergy were catered to in this manner, what would be left? Thinking back to my childhood, I would have starved if all these options were removed.

Milk

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Deli slices,
• Canned tuna (casein, a milk protein),
• Pudding,
• Sour cream,
• Yogurt and custard,
• Margarine,
• Butter used to grill food, which melts into the product and can't be detected

Eggs

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Foam topping on coffee drinks,
• Egg substitutes, despite the name,
• Cooked pastas,
• Soup,
• Mayonnaise,
• Pasta,
• Marshmallows

Peanuts

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Any cooked products made with peanut oil,
• Many ethnic foods, like Chinese, Indonesian, Mexican, Thai, and Vietnamese,
• Baked goods,
• Ice cream,
• Sunflower seeds,
• Chocolate and other candy,
• Chili,
• Donuts and pastries,
• Egg rolls,
• Any product that is made near where peanuts or peanut oil is in use.

Tree Nuts

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Barbeque sauce,
• Cereals,
• Crackers,
• Ice cream,
• Mortadella,
• Pesto,
• Chocolates,
• Hacky sacks or bean bags (non-food items that may contain crushed nut shells.)

Fish

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Caesar salad dressings,
• Steak sauce

Soy

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Baked goods,
• Canned tuna,
• Cereals,
• Crackers,
• Infant formulas,
• Sauces,
• Soups,
• Peanut butter.

Wheat

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Many baked goods,
• Hot dogs,
• Ice cream,
• Imitation crabmeat,
• Couscous,
• Wreaths (a non-food product that may use wheat as part of its decoration)

Shellfish

Some forms of it can be found in:

• Crab,
• Lobster,
• Shrimp,
• Prawns,
• Oysters,
• Some natural or artificial flavourings

Lists courtesy of: Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network, Health Canada and various health agencies

I believe that when the allergies get this extreme, the onus should be on the children and parents to protect themselves, even if it means wearing latex gloves all day. This sets a dangerous precedent in that, say for example, I have a child who is allergic to chlorophyll (extreme, I know, but humour me here) can I ask the school to chop down every tree, eliminate every bush and shrub and pave over every blade of grass? Would I be out of line in asking that children with such extreme conditions be home-schooled?

While I am all for individual rights, my common sense tells me to draw a line when they infringe on the rights of a society as a whole.

Silly silly gift card!

Shopping Malls Exempt From Dropping Expiry Dates On Gift Cards

Before you get gift card happy this holiday season, there's something you should know.

You may recall when the Ontario government banned gift cards from having an expiry date back in October because it wants "consumers to know that gift cards are worth the money they paid for them, regardless of when those cards are used," according to Consumer Services Minister Ted McMeekin.

But it looks like that rule won't apply to shopping malls over the shopping frenzy this month as they've been granted a temporary exemption from the new law until the New Year.

Some malls are still charging a $1.50 processing fee, while others are subject to a monthly two dollar maintenance fee.

SOURCE: CityNews

I've never understood why gift cards had expiration dates to begin with. In my mind, that's the equivalent of going to the ATM and withdrawing cash with an expiration date, saying must be spent by xx/xx/xx. I mean come on shopkeepers, I've paid for the card, you have the money, let the bearer spend the card when ever they damn well please. It makes no sense to me.

But then again, I've always thought the concept of gift cards made little sense to begin with. As a comedian, whose name I cannot recall, so aptly put it, and I'm paraphrasing here, you know for the same twenty dollar gift card, you could have gotten me twenty bucks. So much for telling me not to spend it all in one place, it doesn't seem like I have a choice now, do I?

What's worse is it says about the giver that they went all the way to a store, but when they got there, were too lazy to figure out what to get.

Some might argue that giving cash may seem thoughtless and crass. I don't see how it is crass, the value of the card is printed in large bold text for the whole world to see; we know exactly how much it cost. Also, by giving someone a gift card, you're telling them where to shop... that seems a lot less thoughtful.

A thought just occurred to me. If one were to buy, say a $20.00 gift card, after taxes, that should come up to something just shy of $23.00. Now, when the recipient purchases something with that same gift can they buy something with a $20.00 sticker value and simply walk out the store, or would they have to pay taxes on that again? Would the government be double dipping on an item that was essentially only sold once?

Total Recall

This is by no means a complete list. Even, of the side affect listed, I only selected the most severe to illustrate my point.

Drug	Use	Side Affects
Accutane	Acne Medication	Suicidal Depression
Advair	Asthma Medication	Exacerbates Asthma
Avandia	Diabetes	Heart Attack and Heart-related Death
Bextra	Arthritis	Heart Attack and Stroke
Celebrex	Arthritis	Heart Attack
Crestor	Cholesterol	Life Threatening Muscle Failure & Kidney Failure
Ortho Evra	Birth Control Patch	Death Due To Blood Clotting
Paxil	Anti-Depressant	Suicidal Behaviour
Permax	Parkinsons	Heart Valve Damage
Plavix	Anti-Coagulant	Gastrointestinal Bleeding
Procrit	Anaemia	Heart Attack, Blood Clots & Kidney Failure
Risperdal	Schizophrenia	Stroke
Serevent	Asthma	Life Threatening Asthma Attacks & Death
Serzone	Anti-Depressant	Liver Failure & Death
Trasylol	Control Bleeding Of Heart Operation Patients	Doubles The Risk of Heart Attack, Heart Failure, Stroke and Renal Failure
Viagara	Erectile Dysfunction	Heart Attacks, Sudden Cardiac Death
Vioxx	Arthritis	Heart Attack
Xolair	Asthma	Difficulty Breathing
Zelnorm	Irritable Bowel Syndrome	Heart Attack & Stroke
Zicam	Common Cold	Total Loss Of Smell

SOURCE: Defective Drugs

I have a couple of questions:

What the hell are the FDA doing? If this is the stuff they have approved, I dread to think of the drugs they did not approve. When anti-depressants lead to suicide, when asthma medication increases difficulty breathing and promotes severe asthma attacks and when medication that's supposed to aid in a patient's heart surgery recovery causes more damage to the heart, there is definitely something rotten in the State of Denmark.

If all these prescriptions drugs, many of which have not been tested for more than twenty or thirty years, seem to be approved willy nilly, why hasn't Marijuana?

Marijuana has been smoked and ingested in various forms for at least 2500 to 2800 years in the Indian sub-continent alone, and as far as I am aware, there isn't a single weed related death on record. Ganja's medicinal benefits have been proven time and time again, yet Big Pharmacy has the FDA and other regulating bodies by the short and curlies.

A new study published by JAMA (Journal of American Medical Association) reveals that Marijuana can kerb the spread of breast cancer, and yet it, in most of the world, it remains only available on street corners.

Quoting... Albert Einstein

A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
- Albert Einstein

Quoting... George Orwell

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

-George Orwell (From The Book, 1984)

Homer on Letterman

Top ten reasons why Homer J. Simpson should be President of The United States... you mean he's not?

Too dumb for words

I'm stunned! First Sherri says she doesn't believe in evolution, then she says she doesn't know if the world is round or flat now she's saying NOTHING pre-dates Christianity! Oy vey! I don't know where to begin.

There's is just no defending this kind incompetence. I mean I can't even say she's a mindless Christian drone, because she's not even that. She's Dumb! Even a mindless Christian drone who has read the Bible would know that the ENTIRE OLD TESTAMENT pre-dates Christianity. In the words of Bugs Bunny, "Whatta maroon! Whatta ignoranimus!"

Quoting... Marie Curie

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
- Marie Curie

Truer and more timeless words were never spoken.

They actually needed a group.

Turks Angry at Mel Gibson.

The Foundation for the Struggle Against Baseless Allegations of Genocide (ASİMED) has begun an e-mail campaign to try and dissuade actor Mel Gibson from playing a role in a film that underscores claims of an alleged genocide of Anatolian Armenians by Ottoman Turks during World War I.

SOURCE: The Brussels Journal (Complete Article)

I find it odd that these guys get accused to genocide often enough to warrant a full time organisation to fend off these allegations.

What Would Jesus Buy?

From Producer Morgan Spurlock



Produced by the guy who brought you "Supersize me" and HBO's "30 Days" comes a docu-drama about one man's crusade against the Shopacalypse