So here I still am

I'm sure most of you would have deduced by now, I'm full of shit. The post below is indeed an April Fool's prank... or is it? Yes it is... or is it? Okay okay, it is... or is it?

Looks like a couple people fell for it, or at least were able to admit to it. You all know who you are. If you enjoyed this edition of dumbschmuckery, we'll be here same time next year. See you then.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, I've had a bit of writer's block. I'll say something when there's something to say.

I can't friggin' believe it!!!

Holy shit holy shit holy shit!!! You're not going to believe this. I was digging out my spring/fall clothes, this morning, for the season, I stick my hand in my spring jacket and I find a super seven lottery from October 2006. It's a little beaten up and I have no idea if I've checked it or not. So I stuff it back in the jacket and don't give it a second thought. Later in the evening, I head out for my daily stroll; it is a little nippy and I shove my hands in to the jacket pockets for warmth, and there's the six month old ticket.

So I stop by a corner store on the way home and have the ticket checked and the machine plays its little jingle telling me I'm not a complete loser, so I figure a free ticket or maybe ten bucks, but in no way did I think of a number like $1,223,320!!!! I hit six out of seven super seven numbers and the bonus, but it was my encore that paid out. I hit ALL my encores and made very COOL MILLION!!! I called the Ontario Lottery & Gaming Commission hotline for validation, and after a few confirmation questions, and a trip to their local office and it's verified!! ONE POINT TWO MILLION DOLLARS BABY!!!

Next week I have to go to Niagara Falls where they'll have the presentation ceremony at the Fallsview Casino. The Casino is sending me a Limo and I get a suite for the week. I guess they think I'll spend my new found wealth at their casino... although, they do have poker tables. All I know is the second I get cheque in my hot little hands, I'll calling my accountant and then my travel agent!

Needless to say I won't be posting much of anything on TFTH for the next little while. See you all when I see you.

You have been warned

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness

Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe

Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End

Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Hershey's Almond Bar
Warning: May contain traces of nuts

Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush.
Do not use orally.

Microwave Oven:
Do not use for drying pets.

Rat Poison
Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Portable stroller
Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.

Electric Thermometer.
Do not use orally after using rectally.

Do we really need this level of warnings? I mean there comes a point when we really do need to start trimming the herd. If you think you using a dremel in your mouth is a good idea, maybe you deserve a hole in your head. If you're cognitive enough to operate a hair dryer, but not cognitive enough to understand that water and electricity don't mix, may be you deserve to go to work with that "frazzled" look.

I realise that we live in a litigious world, especially when a woman spills hot coffee on herself, sues... and WINS! It's no wonder now, when you buy a hot cup of coffee there's a warning that says "Caution: Hot Coffee". I want to appeal to the lawmakers to stop this now! First of all, by constantly pandering to the lowest common denominator we are really dumbing down the world in which we live. Second, we look like a bunch of retards to the rest of the world.

Eric K. came up with a universal warning label which I think should be affixed to everything on the planet.

Warning: You may be stupid, take appropriate precautions.